Putin Celebrates Ceasefire By Continuing To Bomb Sh*t Out Of Ukraine, With Trump's Blessing

Has Trump ended the war in 24 hours yet? And now it’s time for another installment of “How is Trump trying to give Putin everything today?” That 30-day ceasefire that started last Thursday, AKA five days ago? Guess what, was another Putin joke! In Russia, the fire ceases YOU!

Putin said “we agree with the proposal,” and then, as predicted by everyone on earth, acted as if the conversation never happened and attacked Ukraine harder than ever. Now Trump is reportedly thinking of recognizing illegally annexed Crimea as part of Russia in exchange for Putin agreeing to a ceasefire like really for real, this time.

Russia’s economy, already smaller than Texas’s and is collapsing. And after three years of trying to take over Ukraine they have never managed to infest no more than about a fifth of the country. It is Putin who seemingly has NO CARDS, and yet he’s got Trump on his side. Or so it seems.

Canada and France are hanging out without us. Brand-new Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney flew over to France to lunch with President Emmanuel Macron, though normally a Canadian Prime Minister would meet with the US president first. Carney and Macron both cast some polite side-eye shade, pointedly remarking about the importance of each other as “reliable allies.” Won’t it be cute when those two start trading more together?

NATO countries are not interested in Ukraine rolling over, and are talking about doubling their defense budgets. So much for that end to war in Ukraine in 24 hours or before Trump even takes office promise! Now he says IT WAS SARCASM!!

You dumb reporters missed the part right after he said he’d “end the war in 24 hours” when he rolled his eyes and said “BUT YA RIGHT, AS IF, A-DOIKEY!!” Over the weekend he went on a show called “Full Measure” with Sharyl Attkisson (a former CBS reporter who claimed that Rod Rosenstein tried to hack her); transcript here: [insert link]

SHARYL ATTKISSON: I'm not understating the complexity of all this, but as a candidate, you said you would have this war settled in 24 hours? TRUMP: Well, I was being a little bit sarcastic when I said that, what I really mean is I'd like to get it settled and I think I'll be successful. ATTKISSON: What's the plan if Putin doesn't agree to a ceasefire? TRUMP: Bad news for this world, because so many people are dying. But I think, I think he’s going to agree. I really do. I think I know him pretty well and I think he's gonna agree.

That is just Trump and Putin demanding that Ukraine sit there and get bombed, and not rudely shoot down the drones that Russia is launching into their airspace. But Trump would not be speaking to Sharyl Attkisson if Sharyl Attkisson was the type to push back on his doublespeak. So here we are, on one side we’ve got Trump and Putin, making peace for Ukraine without involving Ukraine in it. On the other side Ukraine and Europe, who haven’t agreed to shit with two dumb bullies.

What happens when Trump announces that Russia owns Kursk now, and Ukraine and NATO are like, the fuck they do? We will find out, in the next installment of Putin’s Coming To Dinner. [Kyiv Independent / Ukrinform / Guardian / ICIJ ]